Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

How important do people have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Can you cry under water?

If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. . but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!”

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

When your photo is taken for your driver’s license, why do they tell you to smile?

If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

What do you call male ballerinas?

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?