So I have this compulsion to post something, but have nothing compelling to write about. Don’t expect much from this post, just stop now and go read something worth reading.
Really wish that Jesse was back from Detroit. It is getting really lonely with no one to talk to about stuff. About life. About work. About the joy and the pain. I am unbelievable luck that God brought her into my life. No one understands me quite like her, and she is really the only person that I am totally comfortable being myself with.
I used to be pretty happy just keeping my thoughts to myself, holding my cards close, viewing the world from a distance. No longer. Now I am going crazy no being able to talk to her. We talk on the phone, but I have never been good at having a real conversation over the phone. Cannot feel the same, express the same, convey the emotion, like when we are together.
Really wish that she could have heard last Sunday’s sermon – it hit me right dead center where I am at right now. I guess that is the point, and I am not so different from everyone else trying to make it through this life in one piece. Our culture makes it hard to keep ones values and priorities straight. Constant guilt over spending too much time at the office, working, not being a part of the family that God has given me. Straight from the sermon – we only have so many little boxes in the calendar of our life, one leading to the next, until we get to the final box, and what have we really done when it is all said and done. If life ended today, how would I feel, would I have any regrets? Can I get a hell yeah? So why wait to change, why do it later? If a change needs to be made, if I am not living the life that I know that I want to now, when? If I want to live a different life later, why not now? Time for a change, but how big a change do I need to make? I know that I need a different job, this one takes too much time and is killing me slowly, but do I need a different career? Am I going to be able to find a job in this industry that I can live with? That does not cause me to constantly fight with the desire to be the best that I can be, at the expense of the life that I know I should be living outside of my job? Switching careers is a very scary idea for me – is it the right thing to do? If I come to the realization that it is, do I have the faith to trust in God that he knows, that he has a plan? I know in my head that it is true, but when the rubber meets the road, am I too dependent on myself, and what I can do, that I will not be able to let go? God give me the wisdom and the strength to do the right thing.
Doing my job, having my career, parenting, living, having kids, buying a house, all things that I need to be able to give to God and let Him worry about them.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30.