Funnies

I am 23.66864% – Geek

total geek
+ Geekish Tendencies……………………..>09%
++ Geek……………………………………….>15%
+++ Total Geek……………………………..>25%
++++ Major Geek…………………………..>35%
+++++ Super Geek…………………………>45%
++++++ Extreme Geek…………………..>55%
+++++++ Geek God……………………….>65%
++++++++ Dysfunctional Geek………..>75%

Although it is off by a bit, but then I have always liked to act older then I really am


You Are 30 Years Old


Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view – and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what’s to come… love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You’ve had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You’ve been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power-wash” and rinse”.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

How important do people have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours? How important do people have to be before they are considered […]

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

DEMOCRAT You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICAN You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? […]

BUMPER STICKERS YOU PROBABLY MISSED BECAUSE YOU WERE DRIVING.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Earth Is Full – Go Home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Have The Body Of A God – Buddha.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So Many Pedestrians – So Little Time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Illiterate? Write For Help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost,
But Miles From The Next Exit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed
For 70 mph.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heart Attacks … God’s Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Politicions and diapers both need to be changed,
and for the same reason
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BUMPER STICKERS YOU PROBABLY MISSED BECAUSE YOU WERE DRIVING. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Earth Is Full – Go Home. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I Have The Body Of A God – Buddha. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So Many […]

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
****************************************************
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep
the chips and dip coming.
* Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to
marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who
you’re stuck with.
* Kirsten, age 10
******************************************************************

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by
then.
* Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
married.
* Freddie, age 6 (Very wise for his age)
******************************************************************

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at
the same kids.
* Derrick, age 8
******************************************************************

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don’t want any more kids.
* Lori, age 8
******************************************************************

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.
* Anita, age 9
******************************************************************

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
* Kelvin, age 8
******************************************************************

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
* Ricky, age 10

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? **************************************************** You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like […]